Anyway.
I've been thinking a lot about guilt lately, and how it eats at us. For a long time I struggled with guilt for not working outside of the house. I felt bad because Eric had to work so much to make it possible for me to stay home and I also looked all the people around me who had kids and managed to work and I just felt lazy and useless. Social media does not help this issue. We look at other people's perfect pictures and compare. It's human...
But y'all, that was dumb, because I'm Super Mom. I make things go 'round in this house. And in making things go 'round in this house, I have learned some things. Today I am here to share some of my wisdom with you.
1. Pick your battles!
I know this one may seem obvious, but I am serious. Do I want perfect children with perfect grades and perfect hair and clothes like I see all over my timeline? Oh yeah. But after years of battling chronic illness and ASD/ADHD, I'll accept C's if you tried and actually did all of your work. It's alright if your hair is dry shampoo'd as long as you don't stink. Did you wear those jeans yesterday? UGH fine, just change your underwear! I'm not compromising on meds, though. Take your meds! And yeah, I'll accept eye rolls too, because surprise, they're teenagers. I draw the line at slammed doors and being rude though.
Also, do I want a super clean house, a full meal every night and to be caught up on the laundry at all times? Sure, but I'll take a pizza and a basket of unfolded clean clothes if I have to. It's fine.
Are there 3 T.V.s in my living room? Yep, but we are all in the same room, and we are all chatting while playing our games or whatever it is that we're doing, so I'll accept the abundance of cords and controllers and consoles if it means no one is locked in their rooms!
2. Listen to your kids.
I cannot stress this enough. Let them talk to you. About anything. Everything. ALL OF THE THINGS! I know you don't want to hear a single second more about Minecraft or Overwatch. I know you probably don't care about what boy (or girl) band your child is currently "stanning," or what drama is going on on their favorite show. But! Let me tell you. If you let them tell you all of the little insignificant things that you really are not interested in, when it comes time to tell someone about the big, important things, they will know without a doubt that you will listen, and they will come to you. Also, let them have emotions and bad days. You have them all. the. time. And for the love of all things... love them for who they are.
3. Your good days do not negate your bad days.
This especially goes for those of you with chronic and/or mental illnesses. You're going to have bad days. There will be days that you're exhausted or your whole body hurts. Days that you're struggling to get out of bed and just function. And then one day, you'll wake up and things will be okay. You'll clean the house or go to the gym. Day two will come and again, you feel pretty okay so again you do something productive. After several days of this you will begin to feel like a fraud. You'll feel like maybe you're making up your bad days. You'll think that if you can have this many good days and be able to do things, then perhaps you have no excuse for bad days. Then one day you'll wake up and that good streak will be over and you'll go "ohhhhhhhhh. Right." You'll forget though, so this is me reminding you. It's great to have good days, but that doesn't make your bad days any less real.
4. Be kind.
I mean this. Be kind. As kind as possible. There are going to be days that you don't want to be kind. Oof. There are going to be days when you want to be the opposite of kind. But honestly, there aren't enough kind people in this world, so be one. It will make you happier, and make at least one person's day just a little better. Also remember that kind does not equal weak. It takes great strength to not lose your temper, to put away your bad mood and smile at the lady in the drive through, to go out of your way to do a favor for a neighbor. Kindness does not equal weakness.
5. Make friends with your neighbors.
I have found that having friends close by has made our lives so much easier and more full. I have people I know I can rely on in emergencies, but also, people that I truly enjoy having around!
6. Practice self-care
This is pretty self-explanatory, but SUPER important. Be kind to yourself. Take breaks when you need them. Walk away and don't be afraid to say no. Take lots of hot baths. Drink hot tea. Or cold tea. Or whatever your go-to drink is. Every now and then, eat the cupcake. Take a swim. Or a run. Or a walk. Do what makes you happy.
7. Family Game Night!
8. Carve out time for your spouse.
For a long time we lived in a tiny apartment with 3 kids and no privacy. Eric and I struggled to find time for just us. There are always distractions: kids, cell phones, work. One day, probably 6 or 7 years ago, we decided to take a shower together. For 20 glorious minutes there were no kids, no phone calls. No noise. We talked, REALLY talked with no interruptions for the first time in a long time. It might sound crazy but I swear those 20 minute showers saved us. We still, to this day, almost always shower together.
9. Last but not least... at the age of 35 I have learned... YOU ARE ALLOWED TO LIKE THINGS. You are allowed to like whatever you want to like. Remember when you were in middle school and all of a sudden that thing that you really, really loved wasn't cool any more and you had to stop doing it and pretend that you didn't like it? Yeah, I remember that. I spent a LONG time liking and not liking things because I thought it was socially acceptable, but not anymore! You know what? I like cartoons (like RWBY and She-Ra). I love metal music and video games. I am super loving the gym right now. And I have almost exclusively listened to k-pop for the last 6 months (this goes back to that whole listen to your kid thing. Sometimes you get dragged in lol) I am learning to play D&D and speak Korean (very slowly), just because I want to. Thankfully both of my kids figured out that they can like whatever they want early in life.
There are a lot of other things I have learned over the years, like how to tell if a doctor is going to do more harm than good, how to juggle every day things that need to be done with the never ending mini crises that seem to plague us. I've learned how to lure a run away pitbull into a car (the answer is cheese.. It's always cheese) and that Walmart grocery pick-up is the best thing ever. I've learned to love big and never give up.
What have you learned?
No comments:
Post a Comment